Confessional Thread

[Chase Rice]

~EPISODE 4~

Ok so I'm going to set the scene: I return to tribe chat, and you'd expect the tribe to be ecstatic, right? The long-lost Chase has triumphantly returned to his victorious tribe and is going to apologize to all of them and move on. Sounds completely simple, right? Well simplicity has to check itself at the door when it comes to Darrah. She is demanding, bossy, rude, and one of the most awful people I've ever dealt with on the internet. I came in apologizing for going missing, which yeah I made a mistake and came to the tribe saying sorry and admitting my faults, and she's just like so callous and bitchy about it. STEP OFF BITCH. I'm sorry that you find online Survivor so important, but I try to balance real life and online and sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. That doesn't give her any right to judge me for it or treat me like shit. I am NOT here for that.

SPOILER: Click to show

Chase:
hi y'all

time to make my apologies

Darrah:
yeah you really should.


Chase:
congrats on winning without me

Erinn:
yup

Darrah:
not very happy that you vanished without warning


Chase:
oh screw you i had real life stuff

Darrah:
and i dont?!

Christa:
guys the past is the past

Erinn:
Well be thankful we won

Christa:
we can move on and bury the hatchet


Chase:
i understand i'd be gone if we lost

Erinn:


Darrah:
go read the boards chase.


Chase:
but we didn't and i want to work as a tribe

Erinn:
past is past


Chase:
that doesn't mean you need to be rude to me darrah

Darrah:
it just pisses me off that there was no warning.


Chase:
i had no warning about it either

it's just one of those things

Darrah:
like i just said go read the boards.

Chase:
i came here to apologize like hell for it, so i don't see why you have to immediately get angry with me

Darrah:
well i can't help it


Chase:
maybe you should try

Darrah:
you seem to forget we played another game together


Chase:
or bitch in confessionals or something

Darrah:
in which you royally fucked our tribe over.


Chase:
what game?

Darrah:
which you were unanimously voted out by the way


Chase:
uhmmm whut game

Darrah:
horror


Chase:
i went missing in that game for the same reason as this one

Darrah:
i've been managing three games while my granfather is dying literally right beside me.

i drove half way across the country


Chase:
then maybe you should straighten out your priorities

Christa:
oh my God Darrah. we understand we all have shit to deal with

you're dealing with a lot


Chase:
my dedication to online survivor wouldn't be so strong

Darrah:
you have no idea dude.

Christa:
Chase vanished

we GET IT

harping on it will not make it better


Chase:
thanks christa

Christa:
driving a wedge will not make it better

Chase should have given us warning, yes. But he's back now

Erinn:
come on we can move past this


Christa:
and really, that's what we need

and he apologized as well

Darrah, no one is questioning your dedication, at al.

*all

Darrah:
im annoyed. I have a right to be....


Chase:
yes you d

do*

what you don't have is a right to treat me like shit

Christa:
no one is saying you don't, but stuff happens to everyone


Chase:
i'm still a person and i'm apologizing to you and the whole tribe

so step off


Christa:
I had a passing in the family this past week and I couldn't get across the country for that when my family needed me. I didn't project that onto anyone.

Darrah:
You know what? The fact that I shared that with you guys was strictly for the fact that if I did just vanish, you'd know why.

Not for fucking pity or whatever you're accusing me of.


Christa:
We understand, Darrah. And we do appreciate you warning us


Chase:
thanks for the warning

now don't be rude to me

please and thanks


Christa:
I never said that you were doing it for pity either


Erinn:
............

Christa:
Shit happens to everyone

We need to move on as a tribe

Darrah:
kay whatever enough

Erinn:
yes let's move on because I want our tribe to win all of our challenges  

Darrah:
I'm stressed out enough without having you guys fucking getting mad at me for being upset.

Christa:
I'm not mad at you for being upset. I'm not mad at you at all, really.

I just feel like it's something that we all were aware of and was something that didn't really need to have any more attention called to


Chase:
i'm not mad at you for being upset. I'm mad at you for using "being upset" as a excuse to berate me publicly

Christa:
because there was already enough frustration/friction/tension to begin with

Darrah:
exactly. and some people have issues with controlling their emotions.


Chase:
maybe you should learn


Darrah:
so honestly after being ditched twice? i felt i had the right to say my piece

you have NO idea about what I am doing about my condition


Chase:
also warning to the public i will be driving home tomorrow during the day, but i'll easily be home before 7 don't worry

ditched twice? I ditched one challenge


Darrah:
no.


Chase:
get a grip sis

Darrah:
you didnt lol


Chase:
oh right horror

Darrah:
but like i said enough.

yeah.

Chase:
*shrug* i got karmically booted for that one

Christa:
let's just focus on the challenge ahead

and win it

Erinn:
yes ma'am 

Yeah I may have copy-pasted a bit much, but I feel like that tribe chat was interesting for the most part. It gives an indication into the dynamics of a few of us. For one, you can see how quickly Christa jumped in to defend me and I honestly love her for it. She didn't have to put her neck on the line just for me, but she's a true friend and didn't let me get bullied by that bitch Darrah.

Okay so this topic is uncomfortable to talk about so I will just say my shit and hope not to offend people. 1) It is terrible what she's going through. I've lost grandparents before so I completely understand so on some level I have empathy for her. 2) She IS using it for pity in this game. Despite what she says, she has continued to name-drop it. All the time in chat she talks about "WHAT SHE'S GOING THROUGH". Yes you are going through a lot. It's a part of life. So stop using it for pity from the rest of us. 3) Yes my comment about her priorities was somewhat harsh. In my defense it was in the heat of the moment and she was making me angry, but I still stand by it. Obviously I find this game important and I'm having a blast playing it, but to value it over your dying grandfather just seems wrong to me. I don't know her life but it's... odd at least? I don't know. I shouldn't comment on it it's her choices not mine.

This confessional is like a ticking time bomb but I'm sure I've already offended people by now so I'm just going to share my truth and if people hate me for it, then so be it.

[Chase Rice]

So reading some of that chat back.. It doesn't seem as bitchy and MASSIVE FIGHTING as I thought it was when it happened? Well I guess it was the heat of the moment causing me to feel like it was such a big deal lol.

But yeah, Darrah was really quite mean to me in the public chat. And I was a massive bitch back because I do NOT like to be trifled with. However, I don't think I came off very well in public, and my going missing was bad enough as it is. My social standing in this tribe went WAY down, so I'm on the campaign trail to get myself back into the good graces of the tribe. I'm not even trying to be President Chase of the Ahmick Tribe right now, I would just like to be a Governor or a Senator.

So first I went to Erinn and apologized for going missing. She was very nice and level-headed about it, and we had a talk about our lives outside the game just to get to know each other. It was a fine conversation and nothing went wrong, so that's a plus. The negative is that I HATE small talk and I felt so uncomfortable doing it. It's like when a robot butler suddenly starts stuttering and spilling the wine everywhere. Not fun. Next I went to Woo but he wasn't around. He's such a ninja all the time I never get to talk to him. I apologized to Jefra too, and we chatted for a bit and got pumped up for the challenge. She really is so sweet and I like her a lot. It's hard not to, really. I went to John and he was super cool about it too. He was way more interested in strategy than talking about social stuff, though. (I will have an upcoming confessional focus solely on strategy because I have so much to talk about)

And of course I went to Darrah to apologize. I felt it was only right. I still hate the bitch with every fiber of my being, but we need to be on speaking terms enough so that the tribe can get through the next challenge without a total nuclear meltdown. And here's how the conversation went:

SPOILER: Click to show

Chase:
i am sorry i left without warning darrah

Darrah:
What do you want me to say?

I'm not happy about it one bit.

Chase:
I don't want you to say anything I just want you to know that i'm not making excuses and I'm sorry for what it did to you.

Darrah:
Telling me I need to sort out my priorities?


Chase:
what i* did to you

Darrah:
You have NO idea what I have gone through this last week, and I have still been a team player.

I'll brb

I need to talk to some people

Chase:
ok. do what you've got to. again i'm really sorry, both for leaving and for your grandfather

Darrah:
thank you

brb

40 minutes

You have NO IDEA how hard it was to bite my tongue and take my lumps there. I honestly don't get why she's so vindictive towards me, but it's really not cute. I went to her with an honest apology, and all she could say was how unhappy about it she was. YES CLEARLY YOU ARE UNHAPPY ABOUT IT I GET IT THANKS. Is it that hard to just fake it and say "It's okay I forgive you?" or "I understand" or ~SOMETHING~?!? Like I don't get why she feels the need to bitch about my existence at every opportunity it's gotten past ridiculous.

As an example of how she spends way too much time bitching about me, here's a chat that happened today between Christa and Darrah. Christa sent me the whole thing so I could hear everything Darrah's saying about me.

SPOILER: Click to show

Darrah:

fuck.

uh so now woo won't be there?

Christa:

I guess not right when it begins, no

Darrah:

:S idk if that means anything.. like if i can still sit out

Christa:

I think that if you're still worried, you still should sit. Like you said, you do have shit that's going on right nowand that takes priority, like you said. We all understand your circumstance and no one will hold it against you

Darrah:

Well i hope not....

Christa:

I don't know why they would

and if they do, fuck em'

Darrah:

AND

im not too happy that apparently chase has been drunk for the last 48 hours

according to treemail

Christa:

shit happens. Don't let it get to you. Because people know how dedicated you are and that's what they like

Darrah:

That's what came up that he couldn't tell us about?

Christa:

well then he'd just be putting himself in a bigger hole.

Darrah:

it does get to me though that's what shitty

Christa:

and that's on him

not on you

and he's back for this challenge anyway

Darrah:

because i've been through hell and back and he goes partying and it's cool

Christa:

no one is saying it was cool, but at the same time, it's not a big enough deal to make a scene out of. If we had lost, he would have gone. But we won.

Darrah:

I'm personally offence.offended*

that's why I'm making a deal out of it.

Christa:

but no one made it personal

Darrah:

but it still is!

because I'm pretty emotional right now as it is.

and i've pushed through everythingto come through for the team

Christa:

Darrah, I understand that this is a hard time, but Chase is a part of it too

Darrah:

like i said

its not something that should be looked past

and to me it seems like it has, like it was no big deal that he just disappeared

Christa:

it was a big deal

but I'm in class right now so can I talk to you later?

just wanted to let you know

Darrah:

Yeah

Sure

Thanks.

And that closes the AIM/Drama/CHASE GOES MISSING portion of my confessionals. Hope you guys aren't too mad at me for disappearing. At the very least I brought some drama to the show for y'all (<3)

[Chase Rice]

As for the strategy portion of the game, it's a lot more delicious. Basically, Jefra and John have started getting super paranoid about the immunity idol. They are convinced that RESIDENT CANADIAN DARRAH has already gotten it and if we don't eliminate her, then she's going to take us all down. Does Darrah actually have the immunity idol? Honestly I doubt it. She doesn't seem smart enough to have found it, at least not on her own. However, no way in hell am I going to mention that to them. If they want to help me settle my personal vendetta against Darrah to help their own strategy, more power to them! I honestly think the group of me, Christa, John, and Jefra is a pretty stable group and I want to keep working with them. It doesn't hurt that Darrah's left out in the cold, either *cackling*

As for the challenge, I'm so glad I got a chance to prove my worth sort of. It was a live challenge and Darrah sat out, so everyone else competed. Other than Woo, everyone was around and we absolutely CRUSHED the other tribe. It wasn't even close. Thank god we got this win, because I always feel like I'm in the hot seat. Even though I theoretically have the majority alliance and I trust them, being the counter boot plan is scary and I don't want to go to Tribal knowing that at least 2-3 people will be casting votes for me. I'd much rather just keep winning and worrying about it later.

However, I got the impression that Darrah WASN'T happy about our tribe winning. Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but I think she WANTED us to lose. Darrah prides herself on being the tribal challenge leader, so for us to do so well when she had to sit out probably made her really angry. Plus she thinks I'm a shoe-in to be booted, so she might just want to gun me down. Frankly, I don't blame her because I want to vote for her just as much. Here's hoping I get a chance to lol!

[Pete Yurkowski]

Thanks for the update Chase, and I am very glad to have you back

[Whitney Duncan]

Me too! :-D

[Chase Rice]

~EPISODE 5~
(or as I like to call it, the episode where my game gets punched in the throat)

Remember how less than a day ago I said Darrah was too stupid to have found the idol? Well I was DEAD WRONG. Apparently Darrah admitted to Jefra that she told the idol. She trusts Jefra completely, which is hilarious because Jefra then went and informed Christa and I about all of it. Naturally we enjoyed a good cackle over it, because really this woman is the epitome of delusional. She really genuinely believes that everyone not named Chase is eating out of the palm of her hand. It's disgusting, but it's a mindset we have to keep her in if we're going to have any shot at blindsiding her and her idol out of the game.

However, I'm starting to feel a bit better about my position in the game because of the Jefra/Christa/John/me alliance. I don't trust ALL of them implicitly, but I trust the group as a whole. Christa is obviously my partner in crime, Jefra is such a sweet person and we have a lot of fun talking, and John is really nice and we're starting to talk more. All in all I'm thinking I might actually survive a vote if we had to go to Tribal Council.

..... And then a swap happened. The second I work my way into some kind of alliance the tribes get broken up. I should've seen it coming, but I really was shellshocked. How can this be happening to me?!? Was I meant to leave this game sooner? WHY DOES FATE HATE ME?!? So right now I feel like the second coming of Silas... And it blows some major monkey dick.

[Chase Rice]

First off, my entire fucking alliance is on the other tribe. JOHN.... AHMICK! JEFRA... AHMICK! CHRISTA.... AHMICK! CHASE... MUKWA! Like FUCK. THIS. SHIT. I am beyond hurt by what random.org did to me. It's like getting stabbed in the chest repeatedly with a blade covered in Anthrax. It's horrible. I don't understand what that website has against me. Like what the hell am I supposed to even do without Christa. Who can I talk shit with? Who can I plot with and cackle with?!? It's disheartening to feel so isolated. I feel like a white girl because I CAN'T EVEN right now.

As for my new tribe, it consists of myself, Darrah, Eddie, Erinn, Morgan, and Tracy.

WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS?!?!? I had a good working relationship with everyone on Ahmick except for Darrah and Erinn, so naturally I got put on a tribe with both of them. I cannot stand listening to Darrah speak anymore, I can't deal with Erinn just being Darrah's underling following her obediently, and I hate both of them together. The second we start competing in a challenge, I'm going to fucking snap. I just can't keep dealing with her week in, week out. It's like: One of us HAS to go or I'll go nuclear. It's really that simple.

Also, I was talking to Christa and apparently Darrah is already planning on voting for me and convincing the others to at the first tribal council. For starters, that doesn't surprise me one bit. She thinks that I plan on flipping against her, and she is 1000% correct. The only thing Christa told me that I take issue with is that Darrah said that I would flip on her in a second because I'm so stupid. ... Like what? Bitch you told me OVER and OVER again that I was the next to go and publicly berated me in a tribal chat and now you have the balls to say I want to flip on you because I'm dumb? I'm not flipping because I'm dumb, I'm flipping because you telegraphed my position in this game weeks ago. Maybe if you were smarter you wouldn't have made my boot seem like a foregone conclusion and I'd want to work with you post swap.

However, I don't think all is lost for my game. I know Tracy pretty well and we've talked a bit about trying to blindside Darrah. I'm not sure if she would be really on board with it, but I can certainly try. Eddie and I also had a great relationship going on earlier in the game, so I'm going to try and rekindle it. And morgan... I haven't talked to her yet. But hopefully if I can pull Eddie and Tracy into MY corner, then Morgan will follow suit. It sounds like I'm grasping at straws, but frankly I don't know what else to do. Darrah has her idol and her loyal henchman on the tribe while I'm starting from square one. But I know that I will not go down without a fight, because Darrah does not know who she's messing with. She better watch out because I am going to get her somehow, someway, someday.

[Chase Rice]

So over the past few days I've been building stronger relationships with Eddie and Tracy. Tracy and I had already been talking almost every day, but now we've been talking more strategy than small talk. Knowing each other already, I think our relationship is pretty tight and she trusts me to a certain degree. However, I have to get to know Eddie and Morgan better so that the four of us can group up together. So basically, I've spent a lot of time hanging around Eddie trying to get to know him better. We don't even talk strategy a lot of the time, I just want to make sure we have a very personal relationship. We spent multiple hours having a full discussion about some guy who was born with two penises, and it was honestly the funniest conversation I've had in the game thus far. Eddie's just someone I naturally get along with so there's an ease between us. I hope him and Tracy aren't just playing me. 

So we get to the challenge, and it's a flash game where we have to shoot arrows at targets endlessly. Seriously, I'm still having nightmares of targets flying on past me. But of course, Darrah didn't have that problem. As per usual, she decided to brag about her challenge prowess. This time she talked about how much she rapes flash games. The worst part about her bragging is that she's actually not bad as challenges. It makes her seem like such a show off and I hate it. It would be funnier and less annoying if she sucked at challenges, but sadly she doesn't. Also, she gave the tribe the advice of "LOOK AT THE TARGETS". NO SHIT DARRAH! I WAS LOOKING AT MY KEYBOARD, BUT NOW THAT YOU SAID THAT I'LL TRY TO SHOOT AT THE TARGETS. Ugh whatever. But yeah seriously that challenge was so fucking hard. I don't blame anyone on our tribe for sucking because I have no idea how NuAhmick did so well. If I didn't know better I would accuse them of cheating lolol. 

[Chase Rice]

Before talking about strategy, I've got to talk Morgan. Tracy described her as totally lazy and stupid, and I think I get it now. For one, she doesn't understand basic things like sending in your score for the challenge. We had to explain to her how to get her AIM into the picture, the poor dear. Also, after we lost she blatantly went to our whole tribe and worried about how she feels like other people in the tribe are trying to boot her. And it's like WOULD YOU SHUT UP. We have a plan, just stick with the plan lady. Morgan's the biggest worry for me, and if my plans go awry I will blame her until proven innocent.

So after we lost the challenge, I've started to get a bit anxious. I don't THINK it's me, but you never really know. I feel like there's a 33% percent chance of my going tonight, but I really do trust Eddie and Tracy to stick with me and vote out Darrah. I think I've made a pretty compelling point being that Darrah is ultra annoying AND has the immunity idol. If we blindside her when she thinks it's an easy 5-1 Morgan vote, then we can get that idol and that wretched woman out of this game for good. Now I don't think Tracy is playing with me because of the way we've been talking. Tracy told me that Darrah said that she told Tracy that they should boot Morgan and then boot me. Tracy bitches about Darrah's pity stories (which really are the worst!) and how annoying Darrah can be. Tracy also complains about Morgan and how she wants to get her out after Darrah. Like, would Tracy really tell me all of that if we weren't close? I tend to believe her and I think she's being honest when she says we're going to go with the plan.

Essentially, the plan is for Darrah and Erinn to think that everyone will vote for Morgan tonight. Tracy has confirmed it with them so they won't be worrying really. However, Tracy, Eddie, Morgan, and I are secretly going to cast 4 votes for Darrah to flush both her and the idol out of the game. This is a ballsy move to make so early, but I have to strike before the snake pit viper Darrah can bite me. If she wants me out next tribal, then I'm going to try to take her down at this one. That's just how I roll. I really hope this plan works, because I would LOVE to see Darrah's reaction to leaving before I do. It would be ~SO DELICIOUS~. I would laugh so hard at her as the door hits her on the ass as she exits the door. God I REALLY want to see that. I've been stuck with Darrah for so long I'm PRAYING for a chance to play this game without her presence. I also want this to work because if it doesn't then I'm going to be voted out this week or next week. This tribal will determine what my life span in this game will be, and I certainly hope that it's a long one.

[Chase Rice]

So I talked with Eddie and he seems firmed up for the plan to blindside Darrah and her idol out of the game. We talked for a while and I made a strong alliance with him. Basically, I just told him that us hot guys should fuck work together, and he said that we could definitely do some damage in this game. *jizzing internally* God I REALLY hope that this plan works. If they are just playing me like a fiddle, then Eddie and Tracy are doing a damn impressive job of it. But I don't think they are and I trust them for now. I'm getting anxious about this vote because the deadline was so long, so I'm terrified someone will fuck this up. If everything works out, Darrah and her idol will be gone and Morgan will be a sitting duck if we're forced to go to tribal again... Of course when things seem the simplest is when things blow up in your face. So I'm just going to take a chill pill and hope that everything works out for the best.

A bit later I went and talked to Erinn, and she filled me in that the plan was for everyone to vote Morgan. She seems pretty convinced that's the simplest way, and even winked at me saying it's best for me, Darrah, and her to stick together as the old Ahmicks. My question is how the fuck she thinks I'm going to know who to vote for if she wasn't gonna approach me about it. Did she expect me to magically KNOW that Morgan would be the target? Or maybe she expected Tracy to have told me? Either way, it seems somewhat suspicious. Maybe her plan is to try and boot me, but she's lying to me to make me more comfortable?!? I don't know I'm really overthinking this. My gut tells me that trying to boot Darrah now would be the best move for my game, so I'm going to hope that nobody is fucking with me and I'll get my wish. God the paranoia of this part of the game can really fuck with your mind though. It's like doing brainteasers on crack.

[Chase Rice]

~EPISODE 6~
So last night we went to tribal and... IT'S CONGA TIME! DARRAH IS GONE I AM SO HAPPY! Okay now to get to the meat and bones of this here confessional.

I took a big risk in making this move, and it totally worked. Myself, Tracy, Eddie, and Morgan were able to pull of a successful blindside of Darrah. Not only is my arch-nemesis gone, but the immunity idol is also gone. It's a total win-win. Maybe if she hadn't schemed to boot me then she would still be here. If you want to pull one over on Chase, you need to be a much better liar than Darrah. That's for damn sure. The only problem I have is that now I don't know where I'm going to spew my vitriol in the future. All of my anger and bitchery were solely focused on Darrah, so now I no longer have a target. I guess I'll have to find a new one lol.

So afterwards, I had to go and make the rounds to explain myself to the other people in the game. Obviously Christa and Jefra were 100% behind my move and not mad at me at all. Morgan, Tracy, and Eddie were all ecstatic that the plan worked. Being told to fuck off by Darrah as she walked out almost bonded us as a group, as crazy as that sounds. But there were others in the game who were less happy about my move.

Erinn was obviously the first person I wanted to talk to. I apologized to her, and she asked me why I didn't just let her know because she would've gone along with it. She says that now, but I'm not sure if I'm really buying that. I don't blame her for backtracking from Darrah because she thinks she's next to go. I've convinced her that I'm still on board with her and the original Ahmicks though, so I don't think she has a lot of animosity for me. If she does, she's hiding it very well. As for Woo and John, they both wanted to know why I flipped on our former tribe. They didn't blame me after the fact though because it was clear Darrah hated me so it made sense for me. They just wanted me to acknowledge that I was still with the Ahmick group, which I believe is now being called the Ahmick Six. I like the idea of it, but frankly alliances of six are way too large and I don't see any scenario where I stick with that group through the whole game. I just don't want to turn on them too soon and become entirely untrustworthy.

[Chase Rice]

After the tribal, Tracy and I celebrated our victory over Darrah and discussed alliances. Apparently she's been communicating with the other tribe and has planned a final four with herself, myself, Christa, and Jefra. She seems very invested in it because she's even trying to come up with cheesy names for the alliance so that we can dominate the endgame. This is an alliance I think I can trust for the most part. I'm not sure I'd want this to be the actual final four because any of them could kick my ass, but I genuinely believe none of them will turn on me so they're definitely a group of people to throw myself in with. Super trustworthy allies who want me in the Final Four? HELL YES I ACCEPT YOUR OFFER. Whether I actually stick to the offer is another matter lolol.

So the Mukwa tribe gets to the Immunity Challenge, and we're playing the game Battleship. I love the game and it's all fun and great in real life, but it's definitely frustrating for a group challenge. There's some strategy to the placement of the ships, but there's a fuckton of luck involved in the challenge. At the very end, there were four of us online (Morgan, Eddie, Erinn, myself) consistently taking hits on the other tribes board while only 2 (Woo, Tyson, maybe Jefra) were posting consistently, yet they were able to come back and beat us through sheer luck. DAMN YOU WOO FOR FINDING THAT LAST SHIP. I WILL KILL YOU.

The only good thing to come out of this stupid fucking challenge was the bonding within the tribe. During the challenge, we were goofing off and having fun and making a bunch of sex jokes. We're a bunch of hot horny people (and Tracy), and we were enjoying being sex gods and goddesses together. Until the challenge ended and we lost, which just made us angry. Seriously this Mukwa tribe really is fucking cursed. At this point I just want to make it out of this place alive because wow we suck major ass.

[Chase Rice]

Following the challenge, Eddie and I started talking. We were talking about when the merge is and we're really hoping it's next week. But if it's not a merge, we expect Mukwa to lose AGAIN and we're going to have to go to tribal AGAIN. These poor Mukwa people are like stuck in the ghetto or something. Ahmick is posh and lavish and a gated community, while Mukwa is dirt poor and struggling to make ends meet week to week. Poor Tracy, Eddie, and Morgan have been stuck in the ghetto forever, and it must suck for this to happen so often because I've only been on this tribe for two weeks and I'm already sick and fucking tired of losing. ENOUGH WITH THIS BULLSHIT I AM PISSED.

Anywho, Eddie and I formed a final two deal and agreed that even if Mukwa does become the next Ulong, we will be the last two remaining. The guys have obviously gotta stick together against the girl majority on this tribe. However, for this particular vote we're not really pushing too hard for anybody. Like it would be suspect if we got all strategic and started targeting people left and right, so Eddie and I just decided to let Tracy decide whether Morgan or Erinn is leaving at tribal. In truth it won't make a difference to me and they're kind of interchangeable. They're both nice enough, but not enough for me to want to save either of them. It's just kind of a AS LONG AS IT AIN'T ME type deal. But yeah, Eddie and I promised to stick together and I think he's my tightest ally right now. Obviously Christa is my GURL, but we were separated and I've bonded a lot with Eddie recently. God I hope we make it through this Mukwa shit to a merge soon, because I will mentally break down otherwise. I'm happy that I'm in a fairly secure position within the tribe, but the tribe itself is dwindling and crumbling and I just NEED a merge to re-energize my spirits in the game. I guess we'll just have to take it a day at a time lol.

[Chase Rice]

Well it looks like Erinn is the one to go tonight. Tracy basically told me that she'd rather lose Erinn because she's worried about what Erinn would do in a merge scenario. On one hand that may be true, but I just think that Tracy wants to take out all the former Ahmicks. If I'm being honest, I suspect I'm next on the chopping block. However, I'm willing to go with the flow and gamble on this move for two reasons. 1) I have a gut feeling that a merge is coming soon enough that even if Tracy wants me out next she won't be able to. 2) I firmly trust that Eddie would vote with me, so if Tracy tries to flip shit around on me then maybe we can turn it around back on her.

Or maybe this is just paranoia and Tracy really intends to stick with our final four group come merge time. Considering she was close with Jefra before this game, it's a strong possibility. Anyways, after rocking the boat til it tipped over last week, I'm just going to stick with the status quo this week and not make waves. I don't want to be known as a flip-flopper or liar.. At least not this early in the game anyways. So that means the vote's gotta be for Erinn. We haven't talked enough for it to matter that much anyways so I'll just shrug this one off.

[Chase Rice]

For some reason, my gut tells me that Erinn is trying to get everyone else on the tribe to blindside me. She hasn't talked to me once since we lost the challenge and I don't trust her for a goddamn second. I thought maybe we could repair our relationship, but the fact that I'm getting so paranoid over her actions indicates to me that I won't ever be able to put my trust in her. There's no indication that she's been doing ANY strategizing, which is totally bizarre for someone who just got blindsided at the last tribal council. Either she's a useless bag of potatoes or she's gunning for me. So I assume she's gunning for me. Hopefully my alliance on this tribe stays true to me and I don't go home tonight. Considering I have tight alliances with both Tracy and Eddie, it would be a pretty stupid move for them lol. So yeah, I'm just going to breathe and chill out because nobody likes an over-thinking annoying strategist. Hopefully the votes come in soon so I can breathe again, one way or the other.